Downward Spiral

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Let me start by making something clear. The scenario I am about to create is not representative of me or probably anyone I personally know. I’m lucky enough to have a job where my life is stable and I have access to great healthcare. However, it is a scenario many women will face.

Republicans want to take a way money from planned parenthood. This will lead to low income women not having proper access to birth control. Therefore, more unwanted babies will be conceived to low income families. Then republicans do not want to allow these women to have abortions. Fine. These women again, have no access to healthcare to have the child. Now, so far I’ve talked about women who have probably made choices that have lead them to where they are. I will now start talking about the child. Once the baby is here, he or she will not have healthcare because it is not affordable. This child will be born to a mother who never really wanted the child. This could (maybe) lead to neglect. It almost always will lead to a child without the proper nutrition. Republicans have also recently talked about cutting funds for schools to be able to feed children. CHILDREN who have never ever had the choice for their situation. CHILDREN who will now either have stunted growth physically or of the brain all because of something out of their control. They will tell you it is only a small percentage of money. That is CHILDREN who will starve. That is CHILDREN who will have to beg borrow and steal just to eat enough. All because their parents couldn’t get birth control from a damn reputable company who strives to prevent these situations by providing affordable options.

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Forgiveness.

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I forgive you.

You don’t deserve it. But its not about you.

I forgive you because I need to.

It is about me.

I need to forgive you so I can stop having so much anger inside.

It is not your fault.

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It is one of those things- you always say you’d react a certain way in a situation. You are sure of it. You’d walk away, you’d never look back. How could you love or miss anybody who would do something to hurt you?

And then it happens to you.

You never realize until it’s you how difficult it is.

I made the decision. I made the boldĀ decision that so many people are not able to make. The right decision.

But that doesn’t mean it was an easy decision.

That doesn’t mean I haven’t looked back and blamed myself. That doesn’t mean I never second guessed myself. That doesn’t mean I didn’t cry. That doesn’t mean I didn’t miss the man who I learned to love. That doesn’t mean I didn’t go through heartbreak.

If anything- the heartbreak was worse.

How could someone I loved, someone who supposedly loved me, do that to me?

How could someone treat me that way? What does that say about me?

Nothing. It says nothing about me. It only says volumes about him.

I think that is what a lot of people forget.

It has nothing to do with you- it’s them.

The person who treats you badly is going to treat the next person badly too. There is nothing you could have done to prevent it. There is nothing you could have done to change him.

You gave him all the love you had and he couldn’t love you back the way you needed and deserved.

To any person who has ever been mistreated- it’s not your fault.

It is not your fault.

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I have a blessing and a curse.

I don’t care what people think.

Quite frankly, I’m going to live my life the way I want to. I am going to do what makes me happy. That’s it.

If I want to stay in bed all weekend, I will. If I want to stay out until 2 A.M., I will.

Because this is my life and I choose how to live it.

It really doesn’t matter if you think I’m awesome or crazy or an idiot.

I’m happy.

I know how to be happy and how to make myself happy.

Something people strive their whole lives for,

I’ve got it.

Any other way.

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It’s amazing what life throws at you. It brings things and people into your life and catches you off guard.

It brings things you never knew you wanted. Or needed.

And suddenly you realize you wouldn’t want your life any other way.