Future

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I just read my best friend’s blog entry about how she wasn’t exactly sure what she wanted once she graduated from college. I have been lucky enough to know I’ve wanted to be a teacher since I was a little girl. While I may know the career I will choose after I graduate, what about the other stuff?

I always assumed I’d meet the man of my dreams and we’d have tons of babies and live happily ever after. I seem to now think thats all just a fantasy. I think everyday I go back and forth. One day I think I want to fall in love, get married, and extend the family farther and other days I think I’d rather just enjoy my life with the friends and family I already have.

I really don’t think I can chose today. While I want to be single right now, who knows what I’ll want five or ten years from now, my life will be entirely different. The same thing can be said if I do find someone worth spending time with. How am I supposed to know what and who will make me happy twenty or fourty years from now? I think I may have just understood why people get divorced. I understand the feeling of waking up and realizing you don’t like who you are in this relationship. Hell, I don’t like myself in a relationship ever. I get needy and clingy and a whole lot less fun.

I cannot even decide where I’d like to live. Because of teacher ceritificates it would be easiest to stay in good ol’ PA. Something tells me I should be living in California or something. Will I rent an apartment or a house? How invovled will I get in my students lives, will I coach volleyball or be on the dance commitee? Will I convert to all organic like I’ve always wanted? I guess I won’t know until it happens.

I guess if I had to decide what I wanted for my life after I graduate, its just to be happy. There is no way to know what will make me happy in the future. I only know what will make me happy now, and that is how I plan to live.

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2 thoughts on “Future

  1. Seems to me like you talked yourself through that one! We can never anticipate everything, so we must simply live as best as we know how.

    A reassuring thought: the future can hold wonderful things we have never even dreamed of. Let yourself enjoy the ride and those surprises, too 🙂

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