Everything I hated.

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I am becoming everything I’ve always hated. I am doing things I judged people for doing. I am doing everything I frowned down upon. Did I just not know what it felt like? Did I never know what it felt like to be alone and heartbroken? I never thought of it as a coping mechanism. I never understood why anyone would be like this. Until I became everything I hated. Its how I feel good about myself, it makes me happy. But only in the moment. Afterwards, or even before, I know its not what I want. I cannot stop myself. I’m everything I never wanted to be. I’ve tried to change. I’ve tried to go back. This isn’t me. This isn’t me. Why can’t I stop? God I sound like a drug addict. I’m not. My morals have just been completely readjusted over a matter of a few months. Who am I anymore?

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I am free.

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I got a lot of positive feedback on my most titled alone. It seemed to be a topic a lot of people related to and agreed with me on. I am very passionate about my view on this and I’d like to share with you more about why.

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I really want to focus talking about that last picture. I’m 20 years old, since I’ve been 20 I’ve changed my entire outlook on life. I’m not exaggerating, my entire outlook. Things I wanted before I don’t want anymore. Things I never even thought of, I could die for today. I’m much more relaxed, over drama, keeping to myself, enjoying what life throws at me. To put it simply I’m maturing. I think twenties is the decade that people really find out who they are. Its not when we are teenagers as most people think, its at this age. We are being thrown into the real world and becoming independent and we can finally decide what we want. Not what our parents want, but what we want. Most of all, twenties is the time to be selfish and have fun. I’ve joined so many groups and clubs this year to help other people and fulfil what I think I owe to the world. My helping and loving hands. I’ve realized so many things that are different now. I want to join the peace corps, I want to blow all my money and travel the world, I want enjoy every minute of this time in my life that I can. I am not living anybody’s life but my own. I’m living for myself only. That is so beautiful and liberating to me. There is never a better time in a person’s life to go do everything they want to do than in their twenties. I’m being selfish while I can, I’m enjoying the fact that I’m not tied down. I am free. Nobody is holding me back. I am free.

Alone.

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I have recently become a huge advocate for independence. I don’t want anyone to think I don’t believe in love or want love. But I don’t believe in it or want it yet. I’m entirely too young to get caught up in a life consuming relationship. I believe that being single and alone helps you find out who you truly are. I am an entirely different person when I am in a relationship. More people need to realize what a good, healthy, and happy relationship looks like. Love should be extraordinary. You need to love yourself before you can expect anyone to love you. In order to love yourself, you must know yourself. I believe in order to know yourself, you must spend time with yourself. More women need to know they don’t need a man to be happy or successful. I know most people are never going to agree with me. They are probably in relationships, or never been in a good one. If you are in a relationship, make sure you are getting everything you deserve. Here are some amazing picture quotes I found to help support my thoughts.

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