Best kind.

Standard

I absolutely love those friends you haven’t talked to in months or years and when you do, you go back.

Back to that time in your life when you were close.

I throughly enjoy that I have people I played volleyball with or was friends with that never really stopped being my friend.

Sure they aren’t in my everyday life, but I would still drop everything for those people.

Those friendships I know in 20 years I’ll still be able to call them up and go to lunch with them.

That is the best kind of friend.

Quirky.

Standard

I have an irrational fear of can openers.

I get uncomfortable when people talk about eyes.

I act like a five year old whenever I’m in an amusement park or aquarium.

I get along better with 13 year olds than adults.

I talk in about 100 different voices and laugh harder at myself than anyone else does.

I’m weird. I’m quirky.

And quite frankly, I’m a lot to handle.

But I wouldn’t change any of that. For anyone or anything.

Second Chances

Standard

I’ve always been someone who forgives, but second chances have always been hard. I have always given people that chance but it never really worked out. The person disappointed me or things were never the same again.

I gave someone a second chance too quickly and it turned out to be the biggest lesson I’ve ever learned in my life.

And here I am, years later, giving them another.

I decided there was no reason not to. The differences I’ve seen in my life over the past years are life changing. I believe that this could be the same for them.

I’ve decided to not look at it as a second chance, but to look at it as a new beginning.

 

Different

Standard

I’ve always believed people can’t change. I’ve always thought that people are who they are and their core doesn’t differ.

But I’ve been proven wrong. I’ve proven myself wrong.

In the last few years, the core of who I am and what I believe, think, and feel are completely new.

I just never realized this until someone I once knew came back into my life.

Who I am, how I think about myself, life, and love have all been altered completely.

I encourage people to take a look back and notice the differences. 

Leap.

Standard

Sometimes you’ve just got to leap.

So many things in life are terrifying and unpredictable. So many things are safer if you stay away.

But is that really living?

If we don’t take that leap of faith on a person or a job or any opportunity, how will be ever be truly happy?

Put yourself in a position where even if you’re not sure, you go for it anyways.

There is nothing more rewarding than going after something that scares you.

If it doesn’t work out, at least you know you gave it everything you had.

Understand.

Standard

I guess I just don’t get it. I don’t think I ever will. How is it possible to love someone and one day wake up realizing its not enough anymore? How is it possible to see your life with someone just to later fall out of love with them? 

My mind changes all the time. I guess I’m naive to think that at 18, or 20, or even 22 that I could be in a point in my life that I could settle down and be happy with one person. I’ve had two beautiful, happy, and true loves. In both situations I was all in. Until slowly, quietly, I realized they weren’t the one for me.

Will it always happen like that? Will I always one day wake up and feel different? 

I don’t understand how or why it happens. I guess over time you realize that person isn’t your person. They may have been your person for a while, but they aren’t anymore. 

I’m afraid to ever get in another relationship because I don’t want this pattern to continue. I’ve never been very good at being single but I know its what I need. 

I thought I was careful last time. We took it so slow at the beginning, I was careful because I didn’t want what happened to happen. 

I don’t want it to ever happen again.

How can I change my mind so quickly and so concretely like that?

Take them as they are.

Standard

People are who they are and they want what they want. The only person who can change a person is themselves. Once you realize that, everything is much easier. You’ll stop wasting your time trying to change people and their opinions. You’ll stop getting in their business and giving them advice they never asked for. You have your values and beliefs, what if a friend came into your life and tried to change them? You wouldn’t be very happy. Every person is unique. They are who they are for many reasons. Don’t try to change that. Take them for who they are, not who you think they are or who you want them to be. They aren’t those things anyways. Don’t expect them to change themselves for you or for anyone but themselves. Take people as they are, broken, raw, unique, and beautiful.

Never.

Standard

I’ve never been this way before. I’ve never been afraid. I’ve never not known what the other person is thinking. I’ve never sat back and let things happen. I’ve never been patient. I’ve never been nervous. I’ve always been the pusher, been in a rush. I’ve always known what I want. I’ve never felt this way before. I’ve never been so afraid to mess up. I’ve never followed the rules of chivalry.  I’ve never been so afraid to put my heart out on the line. I’ve never been so afraid to mess up a friendship. I’ve never had anyone make me feel this way.

And I love it.

2012

Standard

I usually don’t reflect on New Years Eve, I usually don’t set New Years Resolutions. Its all about a number, I’ll be no different tomorrow than I am today. However, 2012 has truly been one of the biggest years of my life. It has also been one of the hardest. Its been the year that I truly found myself. I messed up and made countless mistakes. There was a lot of stuff I did before I thought. I lived on impulse and never looked back. I realized what mattered to me and what didn’t. I gave myself time to misbehave and do things I’ll never let myself do again. 2012 was my crazy year. I was so numb and I was just trying to feel something, anything. This year was my heeling process. I definitely tried to heal a broken heart in all the wrong ways. But I learned so much. As 2013 comes, I will stop all the craziness I had been doing. I will finally be open to things I shunned and shun the things I did. I gave myself a semester of crazy. Now its back to being me. I found myself this year. 2012 was the hardest, most terrifying, most amazing, and lesson learning year of my life. I can’t believe its over.

I don’t like to think of it as a fresh start, I think I had my ah-ha moment a few weeks ago, but I don’t want to be who I was at the end of this year. I guess the timing just actually works this year.

In 2013, I’m going to take what I learned and apply it to my life. I cannot wait.

And I love it.

Standard

images

 

Sometimes you become the person you never thought you would be. Sometimes its the person you hated, never understood, or never knew existed.

Its okay.

I believe things happen in everyone’s lives that change them. For good.

I will never be that person again. I will never feel that way about life again. I will never.

The person I used to be was amazing. But thats not me anymore.

I’ve had so many things happen to me that changed my views on life and love and sex and growing up and family and morals and happiness and goals and growing old. Thats normal.

I’m not going to look at the world the same way I did when I was 16. I’ve seen things and experienced things and felt things since then that has changed my life forever. That doesn’t mean who I am now is any less than who I was then. I’m just different.

I can’t go back. I don’t think I want to go back. My innocence is gone. I held on to if for a while but I couldn’t anymore. I’m growing up. I’m finding myself. Its not anywhere close to what I thought I’d find. Thats really beautiful, isn’t it?

I don’t look at life the same. I won’t see it the same in a few years and a few more after that. I have to remember that things change and when they do, so will my mind. I’m not that girl I was in high school or that girl I was eight months ago. I’ll never be again.

While I’m growing up, I’m also being irresponsible. I’m living up my life. I’m living in the moment. I’m having fun. I’m becoming more outgoing. I’m 20, I should be enjoying the last bit of my youth. And I am. I’m doing things that I shouldn’t be and learning so much about myself and life.

College really can change a girl. I’m becoming someone unrecognizable. And I love it.