Choice.

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For the longest time growing up, I thought the one for me would find me. I thought he would come to me and I’d never second guess if he was it or not. It wasn’t until I became a little older that I realized I had a say in who I wanted to be with. It wasn’t until I matured that I saw that it was my choice and they had to work to impress me too.

In disney movies, the guy showed up and that was it. But I realized, that’s not how it works.

The guy shows up, you fall in love, and a year or three later, you see he isn’t it.

You see that you have the power to make that choice.

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Understand.

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I guess I just don’t get it. I don’t think I ever will. How is it possible to love someone and one day wake up realizing its not enough anymore? How is it possible to see your life with someone just to later fall out of love with them? 

My mind changes all the time. I guess I’m naive to think that at 18, or 20, or even 22 that I could be in a point in my life that I could settle down and be happy with one person. I’ve had two beautiful, happy, and true loves. In both situations I was all in. Until slowly, quietly, I realized they weren’t the one for me.

Will it always happen like that? Will I always one day wake up and feel different? 

I don’t understand how or why it happens. I guess over time you realize that person isn’t your person. They may have been your person for a while, but they aren’t anymore. 

I’m afraid to ever get in another relationship because I don’t want this pattern to continue. I’ve never been very good at being single but I know its what I need. 

I thought I was careful last time. We took it so slow at the beginning, I was careful because I didn’t want what happened to happen. 

I don’t want it to ever happen again.

How can I change my mind so quickly and so concretely like that?

Happiness isn’t a destination.

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If there was only one thing I could tell anyone, it would be to remember that happiness isn’t a destination.

Happiness isn’t the day you get that job, the day you meet the one, or the day you buy a house. Happiness is a state of mind. Once you get that job, you’ll want that house.

If goals are all that brings you happiness, you will not feel happy with yourself.

You have to look at what you have right now and appreciate it. It may not be what you’ve always wanted. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy with it.

People think their happiness is based off this picture in their head of how life should be. Screw that picture. Life never ends up how it should. It would be kind of boring if it did.

Set goals and achieve them. Be proud and happy for them. But never ever let that control your happiness. Never let a person or a thing control your happiness.

Happiness is a choice. Embrace your life and what you have right now. You are lucky to have what you have, love it and be thrilled with the life you have given yourself.

Never give up on the thought that happiness is how you look at your life and yourself.

You are not.

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“I am who I am today because of the choices I made yesterday.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

I recently read this quote and fell madly in love with it. Recently I’ve made a lot of decisions that has changed me as a person and taught me things about myself that I never knew. But no matter what decisions I make, it is nobody else’s business. I do not care if you approve of my decisions, I do not care what you think I am because of my decisions. My choices are exactly that, mine. You have no influence on my decisions and have no right to judge me on them. I know when my decisions are mistakes, you don’t need to remind me. I know when I go about my decisions the wrong way, you do not need to judge me. I know the decisions I made, but that does not make me the words you are calling me. All of the decisions and choices I make are mine. They change me as a person. They don’t affect you or your life, so don’t worry about them. I have made so many choices recently and while they may not have been my best decisions, they made me who I am today. I would not change that for anything. Choices and mistakes are lessons. I learn from them all. I don’t need anyone telling me otherwise. My good friends will support me no matter what I do. That’s exactly what they do. If you’re not here to support me, I dont need you, or want you, in my life. They can tell me I’m wrong, I’ll probably agree, but I only need to hear it once. The friends I have who don’t judge me for the mistakes I make and realize I’m human and not perfect, they are my true friends. You are not.

The only time I’ll ever talk about politics

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Before I start this post, I want to give a shout out to my good friend Madi. She has a beautiful blog that you can read here. She inspired me to finally get a blog in which I’ve wanted to start in years. Obviously I’ll never be able to write on the level she does, but her expression and explaination of wordpress.com has brought me here today!

Okay so politics, the dreadful conversations that we endure every four years have finally impacted me due to the fact that this is the first time I will be able to vote.

Let me start by saying, I hate politics. Nobody will ever be happy and politicians are full of lies and just tell people what they want to hear.

However this year I was faced with the decision of which party I support more. I see myself as somewhere in the middle. I sat down one day and truly thought about what I cared about the most and used that to guide me.

Equality. Clean Energy.

Thats all I’ve got.

When I say equality, I mean for everyone. Everybody should be able to be married, love is love. Every person should be able to make the same money, no matter what sex or race they are. God why do people still care about that stuff? When I think of equality I also think of women’s rights. I’m not a hoorah women are better person, but its true women have a lot more responsibility and decisions when it comes to their bodies. This is especially true when we are talking about pregnancy, whether its before or after they get pregnant.

When I talk about clean energy I’m going to sound like the science nerd I am. Eventually coal will run out, so will oil. We should be using the sun, wind, and water, they are always going to be here. I’ll leave it at that so I don’t go on a rant.

I am 20 years old and I believe there are many people my age who are not sure where to go with their political views now that their first presidental election is coming up.

Here is my advice: Don’t base your position off of the way the canidates speak or what they promise, base them off their actions. Don’t let your parents or friends decide which party you support, its your decision not theirs. Take time and sit and think about what matters the most to you, whether it be something simple or something big. What you believe is the most important is, base your decision solely on that.