Happy

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I’ve had an epiphany.

Happiness is choice.

Who cares if my friend is pissing me off. Who cares if the guy I like doesn’t feel the same way about me?

I can choose to be happy.

I’m lucky. I’ve got the most amazing family I could imagine. I have really great friends. I have a beautiful¬†opportunity¬†to be in school and go for my dreams.

How could I not be happy?

Sure, some things will go wrong. People will piss me off, school will frustrate me, there will be things I don’t understand. That shouldn’t rule my happiness. I should.

The little things make me happy. Thats all it takes.

I’ve fought depression. I’ve fought it and I’ve beat it. I’m not letting myself go back there. I chose to climb my way out of that hole and be happy. I refuse to fall down it again.

I don’t believe I’ll ever have to stop fighting. However, as long as I have the right outlook, I think it’ll become easier. I am lucky. I am happy.

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Week

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This week has been a rough week for me. I was beyond busy, upset about somethings, completely sleep deprived, confused, and got into a fight with one of my best friends. For the most part most things are better now but while all of this was happening I could not find a single thing to blog about. I suppose I realized angry blogging might not be the best idea. Or perhaps it was just I was too busy and tired. I do believe it would have helped me figure out some things in my head but some of my thoughts should not have been read by people I know.

I am so confused with boys. I keep trying to distance myself from them but I’ve recently met a few who have caught my eye. It seems to me the ones who I find intriguing don’t feel the same way back but there are boys who seem to want me who I don’t want back. Oh isn’t that how it always works? It drives me insane. I get that just because I find someone attractive does not mean that they should think the same way about me, but come on. If there really is a God, he sure does like to play games with a girl’s brain.

I feel so gross about myself. Since I had such a busy and bad week, I haven’t slept, gone to the gym, or eaten healthy at all. I can definitely tell the difference in how I feel and how my body feels. I can honestly say I am absolutely loving how being healthy makes me feel and I don’t think I’ll ever go back. One week off was way more than enough.