Quirky.

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I have an irrational fear of can openers.

I get uncomfortable when people talk about eyes.

I act like a five year old whenever I’m in an amusement park or aquarium.

I get along better with 13 year olds than adults.

I talk in about 100 different voices and laugh harder at myself than anyone else does.

I’m weird. I’m quirky.

And quite frankly, I’m a lot to handle.

But I wouldn’t change any of that. For anyone or anything.

Home.

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Written a few days ago:

I got a call from my dad last night. He got relocated! It is what my parents have been wanting and I’m so excited for them in their moving venture.

But its really quite bittersweet.

Thats my childhood home. At night I can walk that entire house with no lights on with no problems whatsoever. I learned so much and grew so much in that house. I had my first real kiss in that basement, I had my first heartbreak on the floor of my room. I decided where I’d be going to college at that breakfast counter. I can still remember doing homework in my empty room in second grade right when we moved in.

I grew up in that house. That town. While I’ll complain about it all day long, its a cute quirky little place. With a lot of good food places. Its got my high schools, and my elementary school that recently closed down. Its got the three friends I still keep in touch with from high school. It has memories of laughter and of tears. But it is my home. It’ll always be my home.

I guess this is part of growing up. Letting go of the past. I just never thought it would be this soon that I’d have to say goodbye to the place that made me who I am. I’m going to really have to work hard to stay in touch with those friends, as if it isn’t hard enough as it is.

It seems so silly, its just a house. I know its the people that make it a home but that place has done so much for me and its going to be very weird to not sleep in that house again after they move.

Update:

My mom finally gave me range to tell my friends. I texted them, I didn’t even know how to tell them. I have three friends from home, we talk occasionally throughout the year and then hang out a bunch over breaks. They all were so sad I was leaving. One said they needed me to hang out with and all three of them said they’ll come visit me or I can come stay with them. These girls are amazing and I will, as I have these past college years, make sure we stay in touch, just like you girls have!

Too.

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Have you ever felt like you’re too happy? Everything is going right and you’re in a good place and then you realize something. You realize that its too good to be true. You get paranoid. You start to think about all the ways things could go wrong. You can’t be this happy. Its not possible. You sit around waiting for something to happen. You expect something to get messed up. That is how your life has always been.

I’m scared. Okay? For once in life my life, I’m doing everything I want to do. I’ve always been a happy person, I’m optimistic and see the good side of things. But this is different. I couldn’t complain about a single thing. Okay my back hurts today, but that doesn’t count. I’m on top of the world. And you know what that means. I’ve got no where to go but down.

How can that not be scary?

Writer’s Block.

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Its been bothering me that I haven’t had much to write about. I haven’t had the urge recently to pour out whatever is going on in my mind. But then I realized something. It is because I’m happy. Sure I had a very stressful week, but I didn’t need this blog to de-stress. I have found wonderful friends to do that, friends that listen and comfort and care. My blogs have always been my confusion, hurt, or anger. I’ve had some happy ones, but they are mostly me being optimistic about what I’m feeling and where I am going. I miss writing though. I guess I need to find a way to express my happiness through writing too.

Mind your own business.

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I think sometimes people don’t understand the meaning of being a friend. If someone is happy, what makes someone think they can tell them what they are doing is wrong? I understand that all people have their opinions, but forcing them onto your friend? Its one thing to voice your opinion, its another to start drama over it. I think every person’s life is their choice. They decide what makes them happy and ultimately, nobody else really has a say. I think people get too wrapped up in their thoughts to take a second and step back. If your friend is happy, why are you the one upsetting them over something? Especially when that something isn’t any of your business.

My most true friends are the ones who I know will accept me and love me and never judge me for anything I do. I have two people in my life that I can truly say that about. And you know what, they are the only two people I really tell anything to. Because they understand that I am who I am and being my friend means accepting me for that. They never try to change me. They, while they tell me their takes and opinions, never force them on me or expect me to agree with them. They realize my life is mine. 

I know friendships are about making the other person better. However, sometimes the only person who can know whats good for them is them. If they aren’t getting hurt and they are happy, who are you to step in? If they and all the people involved did nothing wrong, how is it your place to tell them what makes them happy isn’t right?

Happiness isn’t a destination.

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If there was only one thing I could tell anyone, it would be to remember that happiness isn’t a destination.

Happiness isn’t the day you get that job, the day you meet the one, or the day you buy a house. Happiness is a state of mind. Once you get that job, you’ll want that house.

If goals are all that brings you happiness, you will not feel happy with yourself.

You have to look at what you have right now and appreciate it. It may not be what you’ve always wanted. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy with it.

People think their happiness is based off this picture in their head of how life should be. Screw that picture. Life never ends up how it should. It would be kind of boring if it did.

Set goals and achieve them. Be proud and happy for them. But never ever let that control your happiness. Never let a person or a thing control your happiness.

Happiness is a choice. Embrace your life and what you have right now. You are lucky to have what you have, love it and be thrilled with the life you have given yourself.

Never give up on the thought that happiness is how you look at your life and yourself.