We all have something to do with love. We are either searching for it, hiding from it, living with it, trying to get over it, trying to hold on to it, or trying to let go of it.
I’d really like to say love controls our lives. I really believe it does.
There are the people who are single, searching for love. They are going on dates and trying to find mr. or mrs. right (or right now). There are those in the new found relationships. Learning about the other person and falling in love. There are those in complicated relationships, maybe with commitment issues. There are those who have been in love for years, the spark still there. There are those who have also been in love for years, trying their best to hold onto it. There are those who have just got their heart broken, swearing off love. That’s most people. There are those who can’t seem to let go off someone from their past. There are those people so terrified of love that they lock themselves away or just sleep with anyone in sight.
Then there is me. I really don’t think I fit into any of those categories. A few months ago, I broke up with someone I was in a relationship with for a while. I am in no way ready for another relationship. The idea of love and a relationship doesn’t sound appealing yet. I guess you can say I’m just living life trying to not think about love.
But let’s be honest, we all think about love. Plus there’s this guy.
Of course there is.
I’d have to say I’m pretty numb to the idea of love. I think he is too. I guess putting yourself fully into something and not having it work can do that to you. I would never say I am heartbroken or that I’d change anything. But all my experiences have made me numb.
I’d like to know when the numbness will go away. Will I ever be able to feel something for someone? Will anyone ever make me want to be a relationship? Will I ever fall in love again, will anyone ever fall in love with me?
As I said, I’m not ready for love right now, but I hope one day I will be able to welcome it with open arms.