I am becoming everything I’ve always hated. I am doing things I judged people for doing. I am doing everything I frowned down upon. Did I just not know what it felt like? Did I never know what it felt like to be alone and heartbroken? I never thought of it as a coping mechanism. I never understood why anyone would be like this. Until I became everything I hated. Its how I feel good about myself, it makes me happy. But only in the moment. Afterwards, or even before, I know its not what I want. I cannot stop myself. I’m everything I never wanted to be. I’ve tried to change. I’ve tried to go back. This isn’t me. This isn’t me. Why can’t I stop? God I sound like a drug addict. I’m not. My morals have just been completely readjusted over a matter of a few months. Who am I anymore?
My last post talked about never being able to truly understand someone, no matter how close you are to them. Today, I want to talk about people you don’t know thinking they know you. You know my name, you know my face, maybe you’ve talked to me or heard me talk to other people, you’ve heard stories about me, you’ve labeled me. You don’t know me. You know nothing about me or my past or what I’ve been through. We all do it though. I’ve done it. I hear a story or two about someone and assume I know who they are. I don’t, you don’t, nobody does. I’m not trying to preach don’t judge people. We all do and we all always will. Next time you assume something about someone, think about all the things you’ve done that people could assume about you. Recently, I have done a lot of things that are out of my character. I’m not proud of them and they aren’t me. But people will assume that that is me and they’ll never be able to get that out of their head. To be honest, I do not care if they think that. My friends know what I am going through and know why I am coping the way I am. They accept me as the imperfect human that I am.
I’m opinionated. I have a lot to say. I have a blog for heaven’s sake. I’ll tell you what I think and I couldn’t care less if you agree or not. I’m outspoken and I can be obnoxious when I’m hyper. I like to have fun. If you don’t agree with me and the way I live my life, fine. I don’t care how other people live their lives, so why would I care what you think about how I live mine? You have no right to get pissed at me for being myself and sharing my opinion. I never said you had to agree with me, I don’t even expect you to. You are who you are and I am who I am. We are two different people, why are you getting mad at me for thinking differently than you? I think life is beautiful and I want to take advantage of every moment of it. You can live however you want, but don’t you dare tell me how to live my life. I’m not apologizing this time, I swallowed my pride for you too many times already. You’ve never been a good friend to me and you’re just not worth it to me anymore