There are so many things I want you to know. So many things I could never say. You were absolutely the light of my life. You are the most amazing person I’ve ever met. Even to this day, if something awful happened to me and I needed anything, you’d be the first person I’d call. I think if we met in a different lifetime or a few years later, everything would be so different. I was not ready for the immensity of your love. I cherish the friendship we still have today over anyone else’s. I believe its crazy and absolutely beautiful that we still love and care about eachother enough to remain good friends.
Until tonight, its never even been hard for me to be your friend. I haven’t cried or felt sad in months. Since that day, we’ve remained best friends. It was hard at first but we have a perfect balance now. I’ll never forget the love we shared, but sometimes when we are talking it doesn’t even seem like we had this past and rough ending to our love story. It doesn’t seem like I hurt you, even though I’ll never forget that I did.
I’ve been thinking a lot recently. It was true when I told you that I believed I was too young and needed to live my life on my own to discover who I am. I am so happy to have had the oppurtunity to begin that journey and its been going great so far. I am learning so many new things about myself. I am finally getting involved in clubs and making new friends. I’m completely happy. Thats all I want for you too, happiness.
I want you to know that I cherish you and the friendship we share. When the day comes that you find a woman who is wonderful and perfect for you, I hope she understands our friendship and I get the pleasure to meet this lucky woman. I know we both always thought it would be me and I’m sorry that it isn’t. I hope you read this and I hope you have read all of my blogs and know this isn’t as easy for me as you might have thought its been.
I want you to think highly of me and always keep a special place in your heart for me. I love that you always check up on me and my family and still keep me updated about ravens gossip and other random things we used to share. It makes me so happy when you ask about how pa is doing or tell me something that reminded you of my brother. I really want you to always think of me as the girl you once loved, not as the girl who left you unexpectedly. When you think of me, I want you to think of the years we spent together, not that one day. I want you to understand that what I did was for both you and me. I want you to see the growth I have had as a person. Most of all, I just want you to be proud of me. I’m so proud of you and all you are doing. You are going to suceed in life with absolutely no problem.
You have a heart of gold and it shows by the loyality and love you have from your friends and family. God I miss them so much. I got to see your brothers grow so much and your mom was truly a best friend. I am lucky enough that you and I were able to remain friends, but I wish I was still friends with them too. I love to hear about them all, they’re wonderful people. I hope they know I miss and love them. I also hope they do not think poorly of me, but I could understand.
If you read this, I hope it makes you smile, not cry as I am. I hope it helps you understand because I know I left a lot of things unanswered. You will always be my first love.