My life has been crazy and I’ve made a lot of mistakes.
But looking back, I wouldn’t change a damn thing.
Yesterday I was pondering if I had wasted my time with some things and I realized the answer was no.
Even if it doesn’t seem like it affected my life or taught me anything, it did.
Nothing is a waste of time.
I tell my students that all the time.
Every single thing in a person’s life is a learning experience. Whether its school, their love life, social life, sports. Anything and everything. There is never a second that goes by where we don’t learn something new.
You finally ended high school. I know you could not wait to get out of there, too many years with the same people. Remember who your true friends are, three of them will still be texting you, snapchatting (you’ll understand in a few years), and being there for you. Don’t take their silence during the semester as they don’t want to see you on breaks. You’ll be the first person they text.
I know you’re in love but in a few years, you’ll realize that even though he’s a great guy, he isn’t the one for you. You’ll learn that once again later in college. Heartbreak sucks. It’ll take a while to get over and you won’t even know who you are. It is okay. You’ll find yourself. You’ll make A LOT of mistakes, don’t regret them. Don’t regret them because you have awful judgmental friends. Right in the prime of your heartbreak- you’ll meet the best friend you’ll ever have. She’ll surprise you, make you laugh, and always be there for dressing up and going out. Always.
Physics is going to suck- don’t worry about it too much. You’ll manage the rest of college just fine. You will eventually get an iPhone! Congrats, enjoy mom’s flip phone after you break your current one. Teaching is where you are supposed to be. Even those days when you’re not sure- you’ll learn soon enough you couldn’t do anything else with your life. Freshman and sophomore year you will have an amazing roommate. Don’t take her for granted, she won’t always be around.
Don’t judge a book by its cover. People will surprise you. You will surprise you.
My most important advice: Live it up. It is over before you know it. It is okay to stay out late, it’s okay the spend that money, its okay to kiss that boy. Don’t regret a thing.
I’m proud of who you are and you are going to love this roller coaster we go through called college.
I got this blog over seven months ago. I was lost and confused and getting over a boy I had loved. I think I was going through the hardest time of my life. I was all over the place. I was searching for myself. I didn’t know who I was without him. I used this blog as a way to sort out my thoughts. I never thought of it that way, but looking back, I would just write whatever was on my mind and I’d find some clarity in it. It was a process. This blog did so many wonderful things for me. My followers made me feel like I wasn’t alone, my viewers from facebook showed me people I knew cared. Or at least were curious. I slowly stopped needing the blog. I went from writing daily to barely writing at all. I closed that chapter of my life a few months ago. I don’t want to let go of this blog, but I think I have to. I’ll keep it up and running for those bad days. But my life as a frequent blogger is over. Thanks to this outlet, I healed in the only way I knew possible, in expression and in writing.
It may be a month late, but I’ve discovered my new year’s resolution. Something I want to do for the rest of my life. I need to begin to live in the present. Cliche, I know. Forget the past, forget the future. Live for now. I spent the majority of my last relationship wishing, hoping, and waiting for the future that I didn’t even enjoy what I had at the time. I’ve spent countless nights worrying about my past. While yes the past has made me who I am, I do not need to dwell on it. I am happy where I am today. I have exactly what I want. I don’t need to worry about tomorrow or next month or next year, I need to worry about today and right now. It is all that matters.
Sometimes when I think about my past, I get so mad at myself. Why did I do this and what was I thinking when I did that? I get so lost in the moment sometimes and immediately after I wish I didn’t do it. But then I realized something. I can’t change what I did. I can’t change who I was. All I can do is learn from it. I can either choose to be different in the future, or choose to be the same. There is no point in dwelling on my mistakes. The past is the past, I can only move forward.
I usually don’t reflect on New Years Eve, I usually don’t set New Years Resolutions. Its all about a number, I’ll be no different tomorrow than I am today. However, 2012 has truly been one of the biggest years of my life. It has also been one of the hardest. Its been the year that I truly found myself. I messed up and made countless mistakes. There was a lot of stuff I did before I thought. I lived on impulse and never looked back. I realized what mattered to me and what didn’t. I gave myself time to misbehave and do things I’ll never let myself do again. 2012 was my crazy year. I was so numb and I was just trying to feel something, anything. This year was my heeling process. I definitely tried to heal a broken heart in all the wrong ways. But I learned so much. As 2013 comes, I will stop all the craziness I had been doing. I will finally be open to things I shunned and shun the things I did. I gave myself a semester of crazy. Now its back to being me. I found myself this year. 2012 was the hardest, most terrifying, most amazing, and lesson learning year of my life. I can’t believe its over.
I don’t like to think of it as a fresh start, I think I had my ah-ha moment a few weeks ago, but I don’t want to be who I was at the end of this year. I guess the timing just actually works this year.
In 2013, I’m going to take what I learned and apply it to my life. I cannot wait.