And I love it.

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Sometimes you become the person you never thought you would be. Sometimes its the person you hated, never understood, or never knew existed.

Its okay.

I believe things happen in everyone’s lives that change them. For good.

I will never be that person again. I will never feel that way about life again. I will never.

The person I used to be was amazing. But thats not me anymore.

I’ve had so many things happen to me that changed my views on life and love and sex and growing up and family and morals and happiness and goals and growing old. Thats normal.

I’m not going to look at the world the same way I did when I was 16. I’ve seen things and experienced things and felt things since then that has changed my life forever. That doesn’t mean who I am now is any less than who I was then. I’m just different.

I can’t go back. I don’t think I want to go back. My innocence is gone. I held on to if for a while but I couldn’t anymore. I’m growing up. I’m finding myself. Its not anywhere close to what I thought I’d find. Thats really beautiful, isn’t it?

I don’t look at life the same. I won’t see it the same in a few years and a few more after that. I have to remember that things change and when they do, so will my mind. I’m not that girl I was in high school or that girl I was eight months ago. I’ll never be again.

While I’m growing up, I’m also being irresponsible. I’m living up my life. I’m living in the moment. I’m having fun. I’m becoming more outgoing. I’m 20, I should be enjoying the last bit of my youth. And I am. I’m doing things that I shouldn’t be and learning so much about myself and life.

College really can change a girl. I’m becoming someone unrecognizable. And I love it.

Mom and Dad

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Have you ever thought what it’d be like to be born into a different life? What if I lived in an entirely different country? What if I was born into a drug ridden home? What if I grew up with a struggling single mother? What if my parents were actors? What if my father was the president? Or what if I was born into another nice family with different parents and a different brother? Would I still be the same? Would my outlook on life and my morals stay true to who I am now? I’d like to think I’d be the same old me. However, its unrealistic to think that. I am who I am today because of how my parents raised me. They raised me to be open minded and to love all those around me. I am driven to succeed because of what they have shown me. I’ve chosen to be independent because I don’t want to rely on someone. I learned that from my parents. I learned that true love does exist, they are the only two people who keep me holding onto that idea. If I look at most aspects of my life, its because of them. I am not the same person as my parents. We have different views and outlooks. They raised me in a way that I was allowed to make up my own mind and decide what I believed in and what I wanted to do. My brain is from them. My looks are from them. So maybe if I was born into an rich acting family or in Bronx, I’d be the same person. I don’t think so though. Maybe if I had my same parents but we were in a different situation, maybe I’d still be me. Ultimately though, I am who I am because of how I grew up. The area I live in, the people I have surrounding me, and the opportunities I was given. That is what made me, me. Not my genetics. I don’t think I could ever thank you enough Mom and Dad. I love you.

Let’s talk about sex

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I think the most interesting thing about sex is the different levels people care about it. Some people will sleep with anybody they see, some people will have sex with someone after they know them for so long, some people will only have sex if they’re in love, and some people hold out until they’re married. The reason I find this is so odd is because, yes people hold out for moral reasons or self conscious reasons, but why? (I’m not saying I don’t do the same thing) But why do we believe that we should wait until we find someone we love to have sex? In the world, I’d say we are the only animal who believes sex is sacred and think of it as something other than it really is. I do not think anybody is wrong with their beliefs, I can see everyone’s side. I do however find it very interesting that we live in a world where it does mean so much. I guess that same thing could be said about a lot of things in our lives, such as looks, money, and technology. I suppose this is just another part of human psychology I find fascinating.