It may be a month late, but I’ve discovered my new year’s resolution. Something I want to do for the rest of my life. I need to begin to live in the present. Cliche, I know. Forget the past, forget the future. Live for now. I spent the majority of my last relationship wishing, hoping, and waiting for the future that I didn’t even enjoy what I had at the time. I’ve spent countless nights worrying about my past. While yes the past has made me who I am, I do not need to dwell on it. I am happy where I am today. I have exactly what I want. I don’t need to worry about tomorrow or next month or next year, I need to worry about today and right now. It is all that matters.
Sometimes when I think about my past, I get so mad at myself. Why did I do this and what was I thinking when I did that? I get so lost in the moment sometimes and immediately after I wish I didn’t do it. But then I realized something. I can’t change what I did. I can’t change who I was. All I can do is learn from it. I can either choose to be different in the future, or choose to be the same. There is no point in dwelling on my mistakes. The past is the past, I can only move forward.