What would I do?

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If you are a regular reader, you know how I’ve preached the benefits and my love for the single life. I got to thinking, what if I actually meet someone who makes me want to leave the single life behind. Do I stick to my guns and remain in this life of freedom and finding myself. Or do I give in and see what this potential person has to offer?

I don’t ever want to miss an opportunity. I have said no in my life and missed things. I don’t want to miss anything. Whether it be because of my preconceived notions on love or just the fact that I’m scared.

But I really believe in the beauty of being with yourself and loving yourself. I don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship. But I think if I meet someone special enough, I might be.

I guess that I’ll be ready for a relationship when I find someone worth spending my time with. I’m not going to go looking. But if he shows up or has shown up, I think I’ll be ready.

I’m not looking for a boyfriend. I’m not looking for anything. But if I meet someone who makes me feel something, I would have to say I’d go for it.

Maybe that makes me a hypocrite. Maybe that makes everything I’ve said not valid. But if the opportunity comes knocking, I would at least put a crack in the door, not keep it locked as I would have before.

Maybe it’s because I’ve moved on. Hell yes! No, I don’t think it’s that.

Maybe it’s because I’m lonely. No, I’m completely happy being by myself.

Maybe enough time has passed and I am finally out of my dark hole.

Whatever it is, it seems to me my views have changed. Maybe someone has made me see that. Maybe seeing happy couples have put faith back into my soul.

I’m not looking. I’m not hoping. I’m not expecting.

But if someone comes along, I’ll be ready.

I am free.

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I got a lot of positive feedback on my most titled alone. It seemed to be a topic a lot of people related to and agreed with me on. I am very passionate about my view on this and I’d like to share with you more about why.

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I really want to focus talking about that last picture. I’m 20 years old, since I’ve been 20 I’ve changed my entire outlook on life. I’m not exaggerating, my entire outlook. Things I wanted before I don’t want anymore. Things I never even thought of, I could die for today. I’m much more relaxed, over drama, keeping to myself, enjoying what life throws at me. To put it simply I’m maturing. I think twenties is the decade that people really find out who they are. Its not when we are teenagers as most people think, its at this age. We are being thrown into the real world and becoming independent and we can finally decide what we want. Not what our parents want, but what we want. Most of all, twenties is the time to be selfish and have fun. I’ve joined so many groups and clubs this year to help other people and fulfil what I think I owe to the world. My helping and loving hands. I’ve realized so many things that are different now. I want to join the peace corps, I want to blow all my money and travel the world, I want enjoy every minute of this time in my life that I can. I am not living anybody’s life but my own. I’m living for myself only. That is so beautiful and liberating to me. There is never a better time in a person’s life to go do everything they want to do than in their twenties. I’m being selfish while I can, I’m enjoying the fact that I’m not tied down. I am free. Nobody is holding me back. I am free.

Alone.

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I have recently become a huge advocate for independence. I don’t want anyone to think I don’t believe in love or want love. But I don’t believe in it or want it yet. I’m entirely too young to get caught up in a life consuming relationship. I believe that being single and alone helps you find out who you truly are. I am an entirely different person when I am in a relationship. More people need to realize what a good, healthy, and happy relationship looks like. Love should be extraordinary. You need to love yourself before you can expect anyone to love you. In order to love yourself, you must know yourself. I believe in order to know yourself, you must spend time with yourself. More women need to know they don’t need a man to be happy or successful. I know most people are never going to agree with me. They are probably in relationships, or never been in a good one. If you are in a relationship, make sure you are getting everything you deserve. Here are some amazing picture quotes I found to help support my thoughts.

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Love.

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We all have something to do with love. We are either searching for it, hiding from it, living with it, trying to get over it, trying to hold on to it, or trying to let go of it.

I’d really like to say love controls our lives. I really believe it does.

There are the people who are single, searching for love. They are going on dates and trying to find mr. or mrs. right (or right now). There are those in the new found relationships. Learning about the other person and falling in love. There are those in complicated relationships, maybe with commitment issues. There are those who have been in love for years, the spark still there. There are those who have also been in love for years, trying their best to hold onto it. There are those who have just got their heart broken, swearing off love. That’s most people. There are those who can’t seem to let go off someone from their past. There are those people so terrified of love that they lock themselves away or just sleep with anyone in sight.

Then there is me. I really don’t think I fit into any of those categories. A few months ago, I broke up with someone I was in a relationship with for a while. I am in no way ready for another relationship. The idea of love and a relationship doesn’t sound appealing yet. I guess you can say I’m just living life trying to not think about love.

But let’s be honest, we all think about love. Plus there’s this guy.

Of course there is.

I’d have to say I’m pretty numb to the idea of love. I think he is too. I guess putting yourself fully into something and not having it work can do that to you. I would never say I am heartbroken or that I’d change anything. But all my experiences have made me numb.

I’d like to know when the numbness will go away. Will I ever be able to feel something for someone? Will anyone ever make me want to be a relationship? Will I ever fall in love again, will anyone ever fall in love with me?

As I said, I’m not ready for love right now, but I hope one day I will be able to welcome it with open arms.