Best Friend.


It dawned on me today. I finally figured out when it hit me you weren’t the one for me.

You told me I wasn’t you’re best friend. 

How were you in love with me if I wasn’t your best friend?

How could I possibly spend the rest of my life with someone who doesn’t consider me their best friend?

I couldn’t.

And I didn’t.

The person I am going to end up with will be my best friend and I will be his.

No ifs, ands, or butts.

First Impressions


My entire life I’ve always been shy and quiet when first meeting people. Some people make me feel comfortable enough that I can open up, but not most. I’ve been told recently that I seem standoffish and cold.

Once people get to know me, they see the real me. But sometime you don’t get past those first impressions.

Obviously I’ve gotten various jobs and other things where I had to interview, I made a good impression then. Why can’t I when I first meet people who could be my friends?

I wish I knew what I was doing to make people feel this way. I never viewed myself as coming off rude, just quiet. I guess it all depends on who is judging you. People are too quick to judge.

Then again, it could just be me.



Right after I wrote this I saw this:




I constantly wonder why I, or anyone really, is here living on the earth and doing what we are doing. I work my ass off at school and my job so that I can eventually work my ass off at my “dream job”

If you think about it, thats what we all do with most of our lives.

But why? So we can eat food, have a house, and buy some things we like.

I’m a very happy and optimistic person. However when I think about this, I really start to think about my insignificance in the world. I’m one of what six or seven billion people on this planet right now. Thats just this planet (yes I believe there are more places with people just like us in this universe). I will live for less than a 100 years on an Earth that is thousands of years old.

I picked a profession where I will be able to change other people’s lives and that is truly something I take pride in. But if I think on a large scale, it just all seems crazy to me.

Sure we spend our weekends and sometimes nights enjoying ourselves, but for me I’m usually always going to class and doing homework. All of that is to get the A I want so that I can plop it on a resume and hope they think I’m good enough for the job.

Once I get the job, I spend 40+ hours a week doing this job, so that I can enjoy the very little time I have away from work.

I really do not know where I am going with this. I think all I’m trying to question is why do we aim to succeed when in a hundred years from now, its not going to matter? Sure we’ll be happy because we did what we thought we were supposed to do. Our parents will die happy and proud. Our children will hopefully inspire to be like us. But after that? I just don’t know.

My parents, my brother, all my other family, and my friends. They all love me and we affect eachother lives daily. Every person in my life brings me happiness. I hope to always bring them happiness as well.

If I had to chose why we live on this earth, I really couldn’t tell you. We all affect eachother in ways I don’t think we’ll ever realize.

I guess tonight you could say I’m feeling like a small piece in a big world. I think we should all remember that sometimes instead of thinking everything is about ourselves.

Let’s talk about sex


I think the most interesting thing about sex is the different levels people care about it. Some people will sleep with anybody they see, some people will have sex with someone after they know them for so long, some people will only have sex if they’re in love, and some people hold out until they’re married. The reason I find this is so odd is because, yes people hold out for moral reasons or self conscious reasons, but why? (I’m not saying I don’t do the same thing) But why do we believe that we should wait until we find someone we love to have sex? In the world, I’d say we are the only animal who believes sex is sacred and think of it as something other than it really is. I do not think anybody is wrong with their beliefs, I can see everyone’s side. I do however find it very interesting that we live in a world where it does mean so much. I guess that same thing could be said about a lot of things in our lives, such as looks, money, and technology. I suppose this is just another part of human psychology I find fascinating.