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I’ve heard too many times “You had a wonderful interview and we think you are a great candidate but…..”

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I saw this today and it seemed to make my soul ache in a good way.

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What would I do?

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If you are a regular reader, you know how I’ve preached the benefits and my love for the single life. I got to thinking, what if I actually meet someone who makes me want to leave the single life behind. Do I stick to my guns and remain in this life of freedom and finding myself. Or do I give in and see what this potential person has to offer?

I don’t ever want to miss an opportunity. I have said no in my life and missed things. I don’t want to miss anything. Whether it be because of my preconceived notions on love or just the fact that I’m scared.

But I really believe in the beauty of being with yourself and loving yourself. I don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship. But I think if I meet someone special enough, I might be.

I guess that I’ll be ready for a relationship when I find someone worth spending my time with. I’m not going to go looking. But if he shows up or has shown up, I think I’ll be ready.

I’m not looking for a boyfriend. I’m not looking for anything. But if I meet someone who makes me feel something, I would have to say I’d go for it.

Maybe that makes me a hypocrite. Maybe that makes everything I’ve said not valid. But if the opportunity comes knocking, I would at least put a crack in the door, not keep it locked as I would have before.

Maybe it’s because I’ve moved on. Hell yes! No, I don’t think it’s that.

Maybe it’s because I’m lonely. No, I’m completely happy being by myself.

Maybe enough time has passed and I am finally out of my dark hole.

Whatever it is, it seems to me my views have changed. Maybe someone has made me see that. Maybe seeing happy couples have put faith back into my soul.

I’m not looking. I’m not hoping. I’m not expecting.

But if someone comes along, I’ll be ready.

Enjoy every step of the journey

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I spend my entire week working my ass of in school. I’m either in classes, studying, doing homework, or in meetings or other various events for school or clubs I am in. While my friends are around doing fun stuff, I’m locking myself in my room or parking my butt at the library and working hard.

I never complain about this. It is my choice to work as hard as I do to succeed. I know exactly what I want and I work everyday to get it.

My job is to be a student. I’ll save my social life for the weekends, if I have the time. I don’t need to spend everyday with my friends to feel like I’m cool or that I have a life. My true friends and I don’t need to spend everyday together in order to know we are close.

I am in college to get a degree to get my dream job. The social life is a beautiful bonus that I do take advantage of. But thats not why I’m here. I’m here to earn the A in that class, learn from experiences in clubs, and prepare myself for everything I’ve ever wanted. Being able to help people through my clubs is another beautiful bonus I am lucky to have.

I know too many people who view college as a playground and treat classes as if they aren’t important. I’m using college as a stepping stone to get where I’m going. If you’re not here for that reason, why are you here?

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I am free.

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I got a lot of positive feedback on my most titled alone. It seemed to be a topic a lot of people related to and agreed with me on. I am very passionate about my view on this and I’d like to share with you more about why.

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I really want to focus talking about that last picture. I’m 20 years old, since I’ve been 20 I’ve changed my entire outlook on life. I’m not exaggerating, my entire outlook. Things I wanted before I don’t want anymore. Things I never even thought of, I could die for today. I’m much more relaxed, over drama, keeping to myself, enjoying what life throws at me. To put it simply I’m maturing. I think twenties is the decade that people really find out who they are. Its not when we are teenagers as most people think, its at this age. We are being thrown into the real world and becoming independent and we can finally decide what we want. Not what our parents want, but what we want. Most of all, twenties is the time to be selfish and have fun. I’ve joined so many groups and clubs this year to help other people and fulfil what I think I owe to the world. My helping and loving hands. I’ve realized so many things that are different now. I want to join the peace corps, I want to blow all my money and travel the world, I want enjoy every minute of this time in my life that I can. I am not living anybody’s life but my own. I’m living for myself only. That is so beautiful and liberating to me. There is never a better time in a person’s life to go do everything they want to do than in their twenties. I’m being selfish while I can, I’m enjoying the fact that I’m not tied down. I am free. Nobody is holding me back. I am free.

Friendship

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I’ve had several situations where it became hard to be friends with someone. It usually is from the past we had, either romantically or some betrayal or trust issue. Sometimes its because of the future. The person or I had different wants and hopes for the future than the other. When things like this happen, it can make a friendship really hard. Its possible the other person doesn’t even know its hard for you. It may not even be difficult for them. There is a point when you really have to sit down and decide if its worth it, if they are worth it. For me, it depends. In high school I found myself not finding it worth the effort. I was immature and too worried about my feelings. When these situations happen now, I realize that I’d much rather have that person in my life than not. No matter what comes with it, I want to be their friend. Good friends are hard to come by, people who truly care about you are hard to find. If I find those people, no matter how difficult it may be, I want their friendship. My advice to people who have to contemplate the same thing I did, think about which is worse, having them in your life or not. Thats what it comes down to. No matter what makes the friendship hard, you’ve got to decide if you’ll be happier with them in your life or not. Some people may not be worth it and thats okay. There are also people you need to realize you cannot lose. Friendship is easy to push it away, holding on is the hard part. But a lot of the time, its worth it. Friendships is one of the most precious things a human can have. Don’t let it go.